Sometimes, as a preacher and someone who studies the Bible in all of it’s nitty-gritty details (and I love the details!), I don’t want to miss—and I don’t want us to miss—and something HUGE, even something huge in this passage.
This passage really only has one point, or at least one fundamental assumption that makes this passage intelligible. It may seem like there are several points, but there is only one point, one underlining assumption, and it’s this:
There is something more important than self-preservation.
There is something more important than avoiding suffering in this life. There is something more important than your reputation. There is something more important than life.
Look, when over years and years of marriage, my wife knows that I’m trying with all my heart to love her even as Christ loved the church, then it’s much easier for her to be submissive to my leading.
Likewise, when over many years of marriage, with a gentle and quiet spirit, my wife is submissive and respectful to my leading, it becomes far easier to honor and even “preciousness” her—to seek what’s best for her.
Too often when I do marriage counseling, I hear husbands and wives talk about their marriages as a give and take relationship—like some kind of business. “Well, I took her to dinner last night so I should get to play eighteen holes today.” “Well, I watched the kids while he went to the game so I’m entitled to a night out with the girls.” This isn’t a marriage; it’s a co-op. This isn’t good news!
In my former pastorate, I gained a reputation for being rather anti-romantic among our young couples moving toward marriage. I became the “Dr. Depressing” of premarital counseling because I would plainly tell them how hard marriage was. I would clearly tell them to “not be surprised when fiery” trials came.
Now I could have played “Good Cop” with them. It would have been easier for me to tell them that marriage was only puppy dogs and rainbows—fun and sun! However, when their first real fight comes, when their first real betrayal comes (when it comes, not if it comes!), won’t they fear something is wrong with them—won’t they fear something is wrong with their relationship?
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